43 Simple Ways To Simplify Your Life

1. Remove your doors
2. Eat half of each pet
3. Sit on a big, thick book
4. Something something keyring holder
5. Paint clocks cheery pink
6. Wear discarded food
7. Makebelieve girlfriend chair
8. Sleep in liquor cabinet
9. Embrace hug love hug meow meow
10. Small room to plan crimes
11. Hack your house key organizer
12. Mail a surprise toaster
13. Just stare more
14. Fourteen
15. Poke holes in paper things
16. Macrame shoelace tree
17. Scrapbook poop and pee
18. Euthanize even faster
19. Amputate favorite limb
20. Pencil shaving gallery
21. Immigrant coat rack
22. Shoebox of dangerous porn
23. Zen unicorn rainbow zen journal
24. Icepick to one good eye
25. Simplify fourteen harder
26. Aluminum foil swan cozy dryer
27. Smell your finger. All of it.
28. Resimplify your simplicity
29. Habitualize your zen
30. Remind your drapes, “I love you, Mrs. Textile”
31. Freeze your clutter
32. Couch fort dinner party
33. Nicene creed robot
34. Only sodomize things that forgive
35. Coaxial sweater vest
36. Transitive verb predicate clause
37. More crying but quieter
38. Inhaler nativity
39. Contact paper taxonomy binder
40. America’s Roast Beef: Yes, Sir
41. Breathe like no one’s dancing
42. Unbridled solo diaper play
43. Illuminated panty shrine

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One hundred meters ahead of me was a paraplegic man struggling with his head rest that had come off it’s tubing.
Unable to lift his arms high enough to maneuver the thing, he was trying to do it with his head, with absolutely zero success.

This was something I noticed a lot with the neuro patients I had, nursing aids not completely finishing their work.
Most are over worked and underpaid, but Jesús Cristo… you put on the shoes, tie them up…you put on the coat, do it up… ditto with his fly.

I had one woman who would come into her afternoon session with me straight from her care home with her feeding tube OPEN, her undergarments unchanged from that morning.
I know, I know blah blah fucking blah nurses and aids are understaffed and I’m not privy to their work environment. I’m sure it’s hell. I wouldn’t want to do it. But when it comes to care giving? No fucking slacking off. You took the job, do it right.

Back to this morning with the man in the mall.
People were walking by him.
Observing his weakness like he was a fucking art exhibit.
Let’s gild the lily and let you also know that this man was Black, and the population of blacks in Canada is probably >9%.
While it isn’t anyone’s duty to help others, you’d think compassion or just the simple ability for you to move your own damn body would be enough of a reason to help someone unable to help themself. Do people really just walk by and think, “Oh that poor man in the wheelchair his headrest came off and his head is flopping around all funny. Someone should help him!” or “Sucks to be him.” or “Oh My God, a black person in a wheelchair with a floppy head!!”

Is compassion something that some people lack, or something that people are just not willing to expose?
Lack of compassion is one of the greatest faults a human could possibly possess. Period.

Now I’m not a fucking saint, I don’t follow Christ or Buddha, but I do value human beings despite their faults, stench and idiocy.
Yes, even people displaying idiocy.
Even the mall gawkers. As much as I object to their choice in gawking, I can sympathize with whatever reasoning they had, even if it is pure idiocy.

As I slid the piece back on the tubing and locked it (similar to a simple spigot handle), as it SHOULD have been locked by the person who helped him into the damn thing this morning, OR the bus driver, he turned his head to the right as far as he could,
“Thank you SO MUCH.”
I don’t know if I would have approached him so easily if it wasn’t for the fact that I can assemble and disassemble a wheelchair in 3 minutes.
I would have at least tried, or asked, despite not knowing.
People, in general, are bloody idiots.
This Hypothesis remains intact until further notice.

1. Login to your foursquare from your web browser
2. Go to foursquare feeds
3. Copy the link (URL) for the the ICS feed
4. Open iCal’s menu -> Calendar -> Subscribe…
5. Paste the ICS URL you copied from foursquare feeds
6. Click Subscribe in iCal
7. Adjust the Auto-refresh value to your liking then click OK